Women and girls frightened me.
It all seemed romantic to me. A humming-bird hummed at me in consternation, as startled at me as I was at him.
When Lawrence first found a gentian, a big single blue one, I remember feeling as if he had a strange communion with it, as if the gentian yielded up its blueness, its very essence, to him. Searching and looking laugh when they want to make him out a brutal, ridiculous figure, he who was so tender and generous and fierce.
But I owe it to him and to myself to write the truth as well as I can. You are far more ill than I am, now. This morning we went to see the Ascension Day procession, and it rained like hell on the poor devils. The Isar rushed its glacier waters and hurried the rafts along in the valley below. One of my desires, to sleep in haylofts, was fulfilled.
An Italian workman, a young man, was crossing in the train to France, and had no money, and had eaten nothing for a long time. It is simply a desire to start with you, having a strong, healthy soul.
A delicate blaze of startling red and yellow, in front of me, the columbines, like gay small flags. Lawrence has described the crucifixes we passed, the lovely chapel he found high up in the mountains. We have both, I think, marvellous recuperative powers. Nothing mattered except feeling myself live, and him. No, I am well here. For my part, I felt certain that a genuine creation would take its own form inevitably, the way every living thing does. If I am, you will always have your own way.
The grief for his loss will be my steady companion for the rest of my life. You never got over your bad beginning with E. After that the flags of the dragoons and weahher splendid bands of the regiments had no longer the same glamour as they passed along the end of the garden to the Exerzierplatz. Tell me you understand, and you think it is—at least perhaps, best.
Neither of us knew Italy at the time, it was a great adventure for both. This is one of the perfect moments here.
No, it is not. I hope I accomplished that goal with Family Recipe.
Till the twenty-fourth or twenty-fifth give me. And I love you, and I am sorry it is so hard. Where tall aspens stand and the Gallina waters come tearing down.
Later in the summer I lived on the fruit trees: cherry, pear, apple, plum, peach trees. I did not know he was consumptive till years later when the doctor in Mexico told me. The words seemed to pour out of his hand onto the paper, unconsciously, naturally and without effort, as flowers bloom and birds fly past.
To understand what happened between us, one must have had the experiences we had, thrown away as much as we did and gained as much, and have known this fulfilment of body and soul. Last night the coyotes have torn to pieces a young sheep, on the ranch.
I can return here in August. He had a mark over his bed for each day he had still to serve, wetaher told me. He would die before his time. You really seriously and honestly think I could come to Munich next Saturday, and stay two months, till August? I was happiest with the soldiers, who had temporary barracks outside our house for years. It made me long to make him strong and healthy.
I hated that death and I fought against it like a demon, unconsciously on my own. But the shadow of sickness soon vanished in the healthy, happy life we lived. A friend had lent us the little top flat with its balcony, three rooms and a little kitchen.
We had a lovely house and gardens outside Metz. Raiyn make him more babified—baby-fied. I am better quite. All my life with him there was this secret fear that I could not share with him.
He had given up the idea of a lectureship at a German University and from now on he lived by Just home from uninspiring date writing. I shall register it up, the of times I leave you in the tonifht that is a historical phrase also. He lit the candles on the altar, for it was evening, read all the exvotos and forgot how tired and hungry he was.
Shall I see a wild turkey, if I walk along the path Lawrence took so often, I running behind, to the mouth of the Gallina?
Here we began our life together. I wonder if the strawberries are ripe, in the hollow by the aqueduct, or if the wild roses are out, the very pink ones, along the stream by the Gallina. These things are Lawrence to me.